are you still at the devil's house?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
