I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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