omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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