it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
