Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
