I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
