Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
