i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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