I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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