If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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