Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
