oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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