She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
