I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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