So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
