so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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