dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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