I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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