Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
