he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
