hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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