My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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