I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just invented taco cereal.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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