those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My feet surprised me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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