They should really pass out barf bags in church
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
