when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My ass is underappreciated
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
