I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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