Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize