remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
