so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
