forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
