If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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