we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
