I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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