Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
