so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
