The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
