does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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