Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
