i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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