i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize