I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
