she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
