I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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