People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
