How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
