hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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