Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
