Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
