you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
