get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
