forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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