Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
