I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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