I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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