did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
