When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
