He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
