Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
