I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
