farters have to be the big spoon...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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