Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
