idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
