God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
