ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
