Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
