your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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