I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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