Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well you can't waste a boner
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
