eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
