question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
